I came to a point in my life where I wanted to end everything. Years ago, I suffered depression. I cant think straight. I am so problematic. I always thought that I haven't done right. That whatever I do is a failure. That I am not enough. I've got a lot of problems but right now, I cant discuss yet.
One day after being so frustrated with my situation and being depressed, I sent my friend a message. "Loy, I wanna die. I couldn't take this anymore." At that moment I really decided to take my life. Then a few seconds later, my friend replied. He said, "Hold on. Wait for me there. I'm coming. Let's go somewhere." After a few minutes, he came and asked me to get out from my room in a rented aparment in Tagbilaran City. He told me to hop in to his motorbike because we're going somewhere. Without any hesitation I followed what he instructed.
So we passed the JA Clarin Street, I realized where we were about to go. So I asked him, "Are we going to visit Shelly's mom?". He then replied, " Yes. She's at the ICU in HNU Hospital."
After a few moments we arrived at the hospital and hurriedly went to the ICU. Outside the room, we saw Shelly's family. I saw her with swollen eyes. So obvious that she cried alot. We talked to herand wefound out that her mom was hit with a car when her mother rode a motorcycle. I saw her trying to be stronngbut I can see in her eyes that she is scared and grieving.
So my friend and I decided to look at Shelly's mom. We went inside the ICU. After a while we went out and he dragged me in the corner where no one else could hear us and he started to talk. He said, " Have you seen her mom? She's struggling. She's in pain. She's suffering. But you know what, she's still fighting. Fighting for her life and her family's hoping for that. Then here you are, wanting to take your life? Isn't it unfair? You, so healthy, so able, so strong, wanted to take your life, while other people out there wanted to live longer, wanted to lengthen their life, wanted to be cured from any disease because they just wanted to live. To be with their family."
After he said that, I just cried and realized how stupid I am. So stupid to waste my life because I couldn't handle my depression.
It is so easy for us to think that God is in control of our lives when everything is going in our way. But if the opposite happens, we tend to think where God is, or we might wonder if was He present in the first place.
Mark 4:35-41 it says," Who is this that even the sea and wind obey him?"
When you are going through some tough storms in your life, sometimes you may feel that the Lord is not listening to you anymore. But believe me, no matter what storms that are coming into your life, always remember that God is always watching over you. He saw and He knew what is going on with you.
If you follow God and be faithful in His words, then He will see you through. His plans for you will never be hindered by any depression, problems, sickness and storms in your life.
You may be facing difficulties or storms in your life, in your work, in your studies, in your lovelife, always remember that God is always in control of your situation. And He is preparing you to something greater. Let your faith overcome your fears and storms in your life. And always trust and believe in His ways. Always pray and talk to Him.
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